Are you in the mood to be enraged by someone else’s food opinions that literally don’t matter whatsoever? Then this blog post is for you! The foods I despise above all the others, roughly in order from moderate hatred to earth-shattering disgust. Feel free to argue with me in the comments, but know that I absolutely will not change my opinion on any of these foods.
Pears are fine in desserts (though apples would be preferable), but I absolutely cannot eat them raw. Pear skin just makes me so…uncomfortable? That’s not the right word, but my taste buds absolutely despise the texture of pear skin. (And I’m pretty sure it’s not because I’m allergic, though I’ve made that mistake before.) Could I peel the pear and then eat it? Probably. But eating fruit should not be a difficult endeavor.
#9 Hot Shrimp
I like cold shrimp. I do not like hot shrimp. Thermodynamics is truly a fascinating thing. (Okay, I know this has nothing to do with thermodynamics, but I have no other explanation so I’m blaming science.)
I should like eggplant. I want to like eggplant. There are dozens of eggplant-based recipes I would love to cook and/or eat, but I simply can’t do it. It’s some combination of the texture and the taste that I just can’t get behind. Maybe I still have time to grow into appreciating eggplant. That would be good for me. Besides, purple is a super fun color for a vegetable, and it’s a shame the inside is a brown mush.
#7 Brown Soda
As I child, I despised all carbonation. The bubbles physically hurt my mouth. (Maybe I just have a very sensitive mouth, idk.) Then, I gradually became acclimated to Sprite and Fanta and all the fruit-flavored sodas. Then, I learned to like ginger sodas. Because all of those drinks have an identifiable taste. But Coke, Pepsi, Root Beer? 1) They all taste absolutely identical to me, which I know is blasphemous. But 2) They don’t have a flavor. All brown soda just tastes like a sickly sweet bubbly water that I have no interest in drinking.
#6 Apple Juice
My experience with apple juice is evidence that there can be too much of a good thing. Legend has it that I was a voracious apple juice drinker as a child. And then one day, I suddenly decided I hated it. My parents complain that we already had apple juice in the pantry that I refused to touch again, though my change in preference maybe set them back five dollars, so I don’t feel that bad. But to this day, I cannot drink apple juice in any circumstance. Even the scent of it is nauseating.
My issue with mayonnaise is purely conceptual. Many times I’ve found myself eating (and enjoying) something made with mayonnaise. But the second I learn mayonnaise is an ingredient, I suddenly can’t stomach the food anymore. I just don’t get how mayonnaise is real. Like yes, theoretically, I understand how eggs, oil, and acid lead to mayonnaise, but it’s still so…suspicous? I don’t trust it. And neither should you.
#4 Cool Whip
I have the same issue with Cool Whip. It tastes fine, sure. But I don’t understand it. How is Cool Whip fluffy and white and dairy-tasting when there’s no dairy in it? Something just doesn’t add up there, and therefore my brain won’t accept it as viable food.
I fully acknowledge my life would be better if I could stomach mushrooms, but I simply cannot. While studying abroad, I lived with a family of wild mushroom farmers who supposedly harvested some of the best mushrooms in the world, but even those were repulsive. Obviously, I’m not a terrible house guest, so I ate their mushrooms every single day for a month. But never again.
Mint is not a food. Mint is a cleaning product for your mouth. Gum? That’s cool. Mouthwash? Kinda painful, but fine. Toothpaste? Absoultely. But mint ice cream or mint jelly or mint tea? No thank you. That’s akin to eating soap. What’s even worse, however, is when mint gets mixed into a food that I generally like. Take Thin Mints, for example. Why would you add mint to a perfectly good chocolate cookie? Would you add soap to a cookie? I DIDN’T THINK SO.
#1 Dried Fruit
If you enjoy dried fruit, you’re basically a cannibal. If you don’t believe me, bite down on your own skin. (Or find a very strange and consenting friend.) Now, go spend three hundred dollars on half an ounce of dried mangos, and bite one of those. IT’S THE SAME TEXTURE, PEOPLE. And if participating in cannibalism isn’t enough of a turn-off, I find most dried fruit to be overly sweet. But it’s mostly the flesh thing.